thoughts:
im liking this format, so i think i'll stick with it awhile, or at least until i get tired of it. anyways, today i watched 722 and louie talked about how a lot of the time we dont claim all that we have in Christ, and we live in sin while we've already been set free. theres the analogy of a baseball player being traded to another team. in that one moment, all of a sudden, he is no longer part of the old team. he has joined the other side. sure, he knows all the things about his old team, he remembers what he used to do, probably still knows how to drive to the stadium, how the changerooms look like, all that stuff. but hes on another team now. so what would you say if this player, on a particular day, decided that he wasn't quite feeling up to playing for that team. instead, he felt like going back to play for his old team. just didnt really wanna go out there and play. what would you say? probably something along the lines of, we dont care how you feel, you're on our team now, get out there and play! its similar with us christians. the point is, it doesnt matter how you feel. it matters what is truth. make sense? good.

happenings:
so i found out that my course selection stuff was due today at 4pm. trouble is, i found out at 8pm. isnt that dandy? so im a day late. so i was talking to anita for most of the night trying to figure stuff out, and it looks like i'll be going after minors in psych and soc. so we'll see how that goes. i dunno, i dont really know what im doing too much, just kinda following anita, but she turned out okay, so hopefully i will too? haha that doesnt sound too assuring, but i know God will lead me to where he wants me to be. so yeah, anyways what else? mmm might be going to see fred hammond in april. if we can find tickets. man i havent gone to any concerts i wanna go to. shane fell through, no longer going to that, considering (hopefully) i'll be working by then. so thats a bummer. but if fred works out, i'll be a happy camper. one more thing: going along with 722 and memorizing the book of colossians. its now my desktop wallpaper. i recite it in class. before i go to sleep. when i wake up. renew your mind. :)

feelings:
good, flowing directly from God.

viewings:
garfield christmas special, and of course 722 (http://video.722.net)

recommends:
http://www.pandorabots.com/pandora [try it out, just talk to her, its pretty cool]

thoughts:
That last post is a poem/prayer by a woman named Amena Brown, done at the oneday link. im sure many have already seen it, but if you havent, i encourage you to check it out, or at least read it through. i listened to it this morning, and was pretty much blown away and humbled. been thinking, not much in life is worth anything besides Christ. so often we try and try and we end up failing, and theres a lot to be said about persevering and trying your best and working hard at being a 'good' Christian. but the abundant life that Christ promised is not that. the life that he offers can only be obtained when we lay ourselves down and surrender to his ways. we try so hard to control our world, control our lives. Christ is offering to do that for us. the crucified life that he calls us to means that we must surrender daily, every moment of our lives. that we must fall down at his feet, demanding less of us, and much, much more of him. something ive got to learn. something we've all got to work at.

happenings:
my parents came out and took sharon and i out to dimsum today. was very yummy. mmm good to see them again, considering i probably wont be heading home next week. maybe the week after. we'll see. after lunch, tried to go to the library and do some work, but didnt really do much, just tried to figure out my sociology paper topic, but still havent decided yet. i would do gender roles and such, but the prof seems to be a pretty big femminist, so best stay away from that :) tonight, went to jt's place where he cooked for a bunch of us, just ate and hang out, was very nice. hes a very good cook, but theyre not the most entertaining hosts :) haha but thats okay, it was fun.

feelings:
kinda mellow, like im needing to talk to God tonight.

listenings:
jonny diaz (www.jonnydiaz.com), koo chung (www.koochung.com), amena brown, shane, 722.

viewings:
men of honor (last night), family guy, smallville

recommends:
http://64.225.71.113/asx/lg021024_awaken_100.asx [just use windows media player or any other compatible player. if you want, skip to the 29 minute mark]

You find me when I'm hiding behind all my disguises/ You see me/ It takes you to keep me breathing/ You are heart/ Passion/ Vision/ Word Incision/ You send me and you bring me close/ Close close closer/ Until when you look at me you see you/ You are heavenly/ My present and future destiny/ You are father/ Creator/ Sustainer/ Life changer/ Pride breaker/ You are yesterday today and forever/ You are pleasure/ You are worth/ Reason/ Present in every season/ You are worship/ Devotion/ You are the reason for all my commotion/ You are the one that I pray to/ You can tell that I'm nothing without you/ So awesome that I can pray to you about you/ To know you/ To sense you/ To believe you more/ To love you more/ To obey you more/ To give you more of my heart

Oh God search me/ Know me/ See me/ Examine me/ Test me/ Love me/ Watch me/ Protect me/ Show me/ Investigate me/ Be pleased with me/ Question me/ Keep me/ Change me/ Have me/ Correct me/ Take me/ Help me/ Create in me/ Break in on me/ Be my reality/ Sustain me/ Decrease me/ Decrease me/ Decrease me/ Decrease me/ Until there is no me left/ Only you/ Only you/ Only you

You are light/ Are true/ Are you/ Are hope/ Are love/ Are strength/ Are escape rescue safe/ You are peace/ You are belief/ You are advance and retreat/ Of what, to what, to whom can I compare you?/ You are my all things new/ You are my place of refuge/ You are my fortress/ My rest/ My creativity in the strength of your words to me/ You are my ability to see hear feel move live breathe be/ You are life and death all at the same time/ You are friend/ You are believer savior redeemer/ You are today tomorrow and the next day/ And the next day and the next day and the next day/ You are truth/ You transcend old age and youth/ You are timeless/ priceless/ lightness in darkness/ greatness/ goodness/ sinless/ And in a mess like my life you see righteousness/ You leave me speechless/ You alone are God

You.
by Amena J. Brown

stupid school. 2:30 am fire alarms. honestly, how do these people even make it into university? have some decency. some of us have 8:30 class the next day. now im dead frickin tired just cuz some hicktown moron decided 'boy would'nit y'all be funnay if wee pulled this themhere red switchamaroo'.

so close i believe
you're holding her now
in your hands she belongs
you'll never let her go

O Healer, Comforter, Protector, Sovereign God.

welps, im back in toronto. for.. one day! :) but thats okay. yesterday was lifesong, which had some really powerful moments. a lot of people came up, and afterwards a bunch of us went out. we went to east sides, but that took FOREVER so instead we left and went to kelseys. which was much better, much nicer. afterwards when we got back to res, (this was pretty late, like 2/3ish) the fire alarms went off. so crazy. so the 4 of us (sharon james mandy and i) just kind of hid in my room while everyone else went outside in the cold. ahha. my don said that anyone caught inside during a fire alarm would be fined. but whatever. no way im going out at 3 in the morning. you gotta be kidding me. so that lasted about 20mins/25 almost, and finally it stopped, so everyone came back in. then about 5 minutes later, lo and behold, it went off again for about 5-10 minutes. and obviously we didnt go out for that one. anyways that was my crazy night. stupid people pulling the alarm. goodness. anyways this morning we went out to eat at angie's kitchen with everyone. not bad food! and its on the laurier onecard. which is always good. after that we came back home, then ppl started leaving, and sharon and i went home with adrienne at about 3 o clock. got home around 5ish, and went out and bought me some shoes! wowzers! haha :) then leo and i jammed for a bit and hung around, which was nice, then came home to eat dinner and watched the leafs game. not too shabby. i miss tv up in loo. but yah. thats pretty much it! tonights supposed to be a big snow storm, so i have no idea how we're gonna go back into loo tomorrow. kinda thinking i shouldnt have come out. but we'll see. meh :P anyways, i guess nothing too abstract or thoughtful tonight. just a bit tired, really mellow, and kinda calm. (weird) hehe :) thats it for me. til im back in loo!

i guess im blogging more frequently nowadays, which is good. but then again, my midterm is on friday, so maybe its not THAT good :) anyways, things have been going fairly okay i spose. why not great? hmm. i spose its spiritual matters. every problem is at heart a spiritual problem. i havent just sat at God's feet in a long time. just be there with him, enjoying the rest and comfort knowing hes my father and im his child. i dont really have any excuses. im not overly busy. im not doing much else really. i guess distractions get in the way. but it shouldnt be that way. time to surrender again. in fact, its necessary to be crucified daily, and take up his cross. have you ever really thought about what that means? doesn't sound too nice, does it? being crucified daily. it's all part of surrendering to God i guess. surrendering your will, your thoughts, your actions, your conversations, your time, your pride, all that stuff. and it really has to be ALL that stuff. theres no holding back. that's what makes it so risky, and also so rewarding. i guess ive been hearing a lot lately about living a full or abundant life, and ive been thinking about it. Jesus says that he has come to give us life, and life to the full. is that what you're experiencing now? personally for me, i know its not. just something to think about. good confession to make.

anyways, other things: tomorrow my schedule is crazy. just cuz i know im not important enough to be stalked, i dont mind posting it.
8.30-9.20 - sociology
9.20-10 - breakfast
10-11.20 - business
11.20-12.30 - business group project meeting
12.30-1.30 - psych research study
1.30-2.20 - philosophy
2.20-3 - lunch
3-4 - psych research study

notice how i didnt include travelling time in there. oh my. im gonna have to run like a madman. luckily for me, laurier is about half the size of most universities. sigh. i should get some sleep, tomorrow's a long day. with lots of studying thrown in there. fun fun. ooh one more thing. i might be going to see shane. you have no idea how excited i am. :) okay thats all.

quote of the day: it is in silence that God is known, and through mysteries that He declares Himself. ~Robert H. Benson

a. went to cfc today, very good service, ken taylor spoke about 'who is jesus'. very straightforward, fundamental points, but it was still very encouraging nonetheless. all during the sermon i was just thinking, man, i could listen to people talk about jesus all day long. it was wonderful. for worship afterwards they had a painter come up and paint a picture of jesus walking on the waves. some of you may be familiar with this, but i had never had this type of worship 'experience' before. i must say, at first i was a little distracted, just watching her paint, but it was quite good afterwards. very different, but very.. engaging i suppose. just to have that type of visual there to help you along. very cool.

b. after church as i was leaving the sanctuary i ran into an old friend of mine, jim, from back when i used to go to rh3c. we were pretty good buds back then, used to hang out and jam and stuff. anyways, i hadnt seen him in quite a while (at least 3 years) and i got the chance to just talk to him a little big. i was deeply encouraged by what God was doing in his life, as he shared a little bit of his testimony with me. he left church for a bit, and i guess tried to experience other things, but in the end was drawn back to God. he brought up a good analogy thats worth mentioning. if you've seen jim careys movie liar liar, you'll probably remember that scene where hes just found out he can't lie. so he takes a blue pen, and with all his strength and will, tries to write 'this pen is red'. obviously it is to no avail, and he ends up writing 'this pen is blue' everywhere. jim was saying how thats like trying to deny who God is, and his entire existence. no matter how hard you try, no matter how focused you are on it, theres that absolute truth that he exists. and trying to say he doesnt will do no good. the truth is not flexible to man's belief system. its true if you believe it or not. it's not contingent on you. it doesnt need you to believe it in order for it to be true. so yeah. that just got me thinking a little more about the goodness of God.

c. afterwards, we went to pizza hut buffet, good times. lots and lots of food until i was stuffed full, and then some. then sharon alli alex (not chow) and i went to allis place to hang out and play jitz and pool and stuff. very fun. then we came back to res. well anyways, tonight sharon and i watched 'cider house rules'. i didn't really like it too much at first, just cuz it seemed really messed up, but then it kinda struck me that a lot of this stuff probably did happen back then, and in the end it was rather tragic. its the story of a boy who grew up in an orphanage, was raised and taught there, and finally has the chance to leave and try to establish a life for himself in the 'real' world. he goes out, and sees firsthand the dilemmas and problems that other people face, along with the social issues that are being dealt with at the time. come the end of the movie, he returns back to the orphanage - things have changed, perhaps hes grown stronger as well, but i guess he feels this is where he truly belongs. throughout the movie the question 'what business are you in' is posed several times, and many different characters seem to have trouble answering. what is it that you do? who are you? what does your life consist of? i suppose these are all important questions we must all face sometime in our life.

d. anyways, on a completely different note, tomorrow.. or err.. today in fact, is our 6 month. so happy 6 months sharon :) thanks for sticking through the good and the bad, helping me grow, and hopefully theres many more months ahead.

e. one last thing. my buddy jon missed church today cuz the place where hes working made him work. even though i remember him saying that he explicitly didnt want to work sundays. and supposedly the next two weeks are the same. so i think that kinda sucks for him, cuz i know he really doesnt want to be there, and would much rather be at church, but i guess sometimes life deals you unexpected circumstances that you've just got to roll with. so i just want to encourage you to stay rooted in jesus nonetheless, seek after him with all of your being, and honor him in everything you do, everyday. i know it may be a tough time for you for a variety of reasons, but remember hes right there with you bud.

f. with that im off. that was a rather lengthy blog. may you shine as the stars for Christ this week.

a few things...

firstly, my midterm yesterday wasn't nearly as bad as i thought it would be. i mean, three and a half hour exams are quite intimidating nonetheless, but this one actually was quite straightforward. the questions werent overly hard, out of place, or unexpected, so i guess in that way you could say it was a 'fair' exam. whatever that means :) my balance sheet didn't balance, i was off about 40 grand. so what should i do? a) leave it and get part marks b) go through and find out where possible errors may have been made c) figure out the difference and start deducting until things are equal. sadly, i chose option c. so in the end it did end up balancing, but thats only because i took out a lot of stuff to make it equal. when i got out i was talking to my friend and her totals were about three HUNDRED grand off of mine. so one of us did something very wrong. not to wish any misfortune upon her, but i truly hope it wasn't me.

today was nice. last night i slept at 4 for no particular reason, and woke up at 12 noon. solid 8 hours. i had to wait until 1 for sharon, so i watched 722. so very good. God is one great God, yknow? very big. very 'beyond us'. anyways that just got me on a fix downloading 722 and playing 722 and all this stuff, so that was a big part of my day. then sharon and i got harveys. i noticed that the chinese burger-maker took much more pride in building the burger than the caucasian girl. sharon's burger, done by the asian girl, was seemingly perfectly constructed, much like an artist intricately composes her art piece. mine, on the otherhand, was lopsided, dripping, and i got a tomato end. i hate tomato ends. if all thats left are tomato ends, you should get two of them. its hardly even half a normal tomato slice! goodness. anyways, after that sharon went to practise piano while i went back to my room to watch more 722 and play more guitar. whats that? study you say? hardly! but tomorrow i will start. hopefully. back to my day. tonight sharon and i watched two towers. (my first time) i enjoyed it rather much. i was getting quite excited. very good. maybe not quite the same as seeing it on the large screen, but then again, there you can't go back and watch the cool parts again (ie when legolas mounts the horse). anyways, sharon and i also had some good conversation tonight. godly advice going both ways. which is always good in relationships, even friendships. how else are we expected to grow if we dont encourage and spur one another on? so i would suggest that if someone is truly your friend, don't be afraid to speak God's truth into their life. we all need it.

dilemma:

cram for midterm vs. watching 722.

my response:

722, and its so worth it.

update:

- spent the night studying for bu121 midterm. thats tomorrow from 5-8.30. thanks for everyone whos wished me well, helped me with work, or even sent me those 'quiz your friends' tests to give me a break.
- recovering from a bloody nose. (too much picking is good for no one)
- listening to glen philips and john mayer. good stuff
- pretty tired. more exhausted i spose. will be heading off to bed soon
- applied for several jobs this past week (for summer). still kinda looking around and applying, if you have any suggestions, feel free to lemme know.
- looking for a summer sublet still. the last one didnt work out. once again, feel free to offer suggestions.
- played 20 something games of freecell today. (how very sad) that game is mega addictive. im on a 80 something game win streak. 90% winning percentage. moohaha :)
- staying up in waterloo this weekend. its been a while, it seems. that means no missionfest for me. if you're going, or considering going, dont miss out on dOWNHERE. they are SO good. i would rather see them than tomlin. tomlin is okay, these guys are amazing. seriously go check them out.
- just got an icq birthday notice for some guy on my list. i dunno who it is cuz i cant read his squiggly chinese characters that dont make sense.
- had the SAME pizza pizza deal two nights in a row now. three topping large pizza with three pop. pepperoni, ground beef, grilled chicken. i mixed it up today by getting marinara dipping sauce instead of creamy garlic. i like the change, but i do enjoy garlic as well. i think i'll alternate.
- nose is dry again. (phew)
- now listening to vince gill and amy grant and their version of how great thou art. i implore you to download this. its so disgustingly good. i love it. oh man.
- i suppose thats it for the update, time to get some sleep, then more studying. grrr. we'll see how it goes :)

Definitely the picture of the day.



Jesus posting up a kid - look at that great footwork and pumpfake!

got to eat lunch with 4 of my most favourite people today: james, sharon, jenbo, and liuski. what more could a guy ask for?

oh man. almost the end of reading week. i SERIOUSLY need to do some work. oh man.

so far this reading week, havent done any reading at all. just basically bummed around, didnt do much. watched big fat greek wedding with sharon and leo - very very funny movie. mmm lotsa smallville, slowly getting caught up. and.. yah! thats about it. i really should study. grrr.

good fun day today. got to see two very good old friends and just catch up i spose. very nice. heres to: size 8 boots, worst shopper ever, $260 pants, fat women buying small clothes, the change game, blue manicans, gortex, best kbbq ever, pilot fires, dining etiquette - spitting, regurgitating, etc, no sticks in the mud, cleaning grills with squid, lifers, plum juice, 7 old calenders, and britney spears. thanks for the great times guys. same time next year :P

the crucified life

i used to want to leave footprints behind when my life was over - i think that's so noble ain't it? 'o Lord, when im finished here, i just want to leave some footprints behind Lord, that people can follow to you!' man that sounds good, i've even written it. and then God graciously and tenderly brought me to a place where he said, 'think that through. because beth, you see, if you are carrying my cross and following me, every single footstep you leave, the cross comes behind you and drags right over it. and if you live the crucified life beth, all that will be left is the mark of the cross.'

~from beth moore's sermon:
the crucified life

can one man change the world?

so yesterday edmund and i went to the infamous job fair at rim park. originally my intentions were truly noble - i wanted to find a job for the summer, and make different networking connections. then edmund told me that they gave away free stuff. now i knew they would, but i didnt know how much. for those of you who've never been to a job fair, surely you've been the the ontario universities fair. well picture that, but with much more variety. anyways, i feel its important that i see how 'well' i did yesterday, so heres a checklist of what i've got:
- 3 mugs (edmund has another)
- 4 shot glasses (edmund has 2)
- a beer mug (unfortunately not glass)
- 2 tall glasses
- 6 paper holders
- 14 rim caribeaners (edmund has about 20)
- 2 keychains
- 2 pins
- 4 notepads
- 6 or 7 chocolate/miscellaneous candy bars
- 16 rim magnets
- granola bar
- 3 bottles of water
- 2 stressballs
- sunflower seeds
- a tin of cinnamon hearts
- 7 name tag holders
- 37 pens
- 4 hilighters
- 4 hotrods

not a bad way to spend a few hours eh? :) and the one resume that i brought with me, i didnt even hand it out.

anyways, i also found housing for next year. jer and i are living in elaine's place. very very nice, very clean. i like it a lot. only problem is, lease starts in may, so i have to find a sublet alreaedy. but thats not too bad i spose. but i am very thankful to God that we've pretty much got this place. excellent! :) anyways thats about it for now, i should be getting to sleep soon. oh, and happy birthday anita!!! thanks for making my frosh year so much more enjoyable. all the best to you!

we'd been travelling for many days, with no food, no shelter, nothing. by my count it had been nearly a month and a half, but without the proper nourishment, it was hard to know if that was a correct estimate. the fatigue was getting to me. without food, the body becomes even more tired, and it is tough to do anything, let alone trudge through a barren desertland. i felt as if i could just collapse at any moment, and fall into a restful slumber. but we had to move on. to where? who knows! i don't think anyone in the camp had any idea where we were going at all. but we had been told to follow where he would lead us. whatever. besides, there was something far worse than the fatigue - the hunger. it felt like someone was ripping my stomach from the inside out, and i could feel it slowly eating away. this all made me very dizzy and lightheaded, and i had trouble seeing clearly, especially under the scorching sun. the heat was overwhelming during the day, just bearing down on my back. you'd think at night it'd be a lot cooler, a lot more refreshing. wrong. the night was freezing, and we all had to stay close together to keep warm, even inside our tents. on this particular night i couldn't sleep very well. i kept on hearing noises and rustling outside, and watched as the flickering shadows from the torches danced about the tent in an eerie manner. the ground was cold and hard, as i lay there with rocks and twigs jabbing into my side. and once again, the hunger was there. it hurt more than any ever. how could we go on? we would surely starve to death. trying not to think about this, i turned over and tried to get back to sleep. but i was so hungry... so.. hungry.

i awoke after what seemed like 10 minutes, but surely it was longer, for i could see the sunrise peeking over the horizon cast upon the tent sheet. it was still early, and no one else was awake yet. i stood up and groggilly stumbled outside, where it was already beginning to brighten up. the wet dew against my feet was a refreshing feeling, and i looked around, noticing the morning dew had covered nearly every flat of land. but wait! looking closer, i saw something white, almost like snow. surely there was no snow here in the desert! it was a very thin, flaky layer which resembled frost. i bent down to scoop some up, and felt it's soft texture. this was not snow, for it did not melt or break apart in my hands. my nose then perked up. it smelt like yeast, or flour! i held it a little closer and sniffed at it, and.. yes! it was indeed some sort of flour. i slowly reached and put a small piece into my mouth, chewing carefully. then all of a sudden it clicked. this was food. we wouldn't die from starvation! we would make it out okay! and then, even more importantly, i realized where it had come from. el shaddai. the same God who sent the plagues to deliver us, who turned the undrinkable bitter water into the sweet river of life, who parted the sea in front of my very eyes, and who now had opened up the heavens to rain down on us food. how could we have doubted him? how could we have questioned his almighty power? el shaddai, you are all.

i had a fun weekend. lesse. lotsa chinese new year mumbo jumbo. speaking of jumbo, mmmm jumbo shrimp. and many other good healthy food groups! delicious :) so yes, saturday, went to mitchells and there was like NOTHING. even though it was a 'sale' :) but that means nothing. hmph. i was rather dissapointed. mad boycotting it in the future! haha maybe not. sunday a whole bunch of ppl came up for will's birthday :) heeh like all the waterloo etcbc ppl from last term, some nonetcbc ppl, and james. haha it was nice. we went to mels. then we went back to our res to TRY to play pool. but then it turned out someone had stolen all the pool balls. aint that a.. yah: ) hahaha that was gay. haha and yes. adrienne and i heard some girl talk about waxing her unibrow. that was disgusting. ew. then after will and adrienne left, me sharon edmund and james went to v1 to play there. so we found steph.. and she needs to study! oh my. but anyways their pool table was weird. they played with smaller balls than we were used to. bah. oh well. so thats that! it was nice having everyone back around again. i still remember in like the 2nd week we were up here, the 8 of us waterloo etcbc ppl went out to east side's to eat. which was so nice. cuz there was a nice community back then. now its still there, but maybe not as close just cuz some ppl are on work term, etc. anyways i kinda realized how lucky i am to have so many ppl who look out for me. i perhaps take it for granted a lot. cuz i know a lot of ppl do a lot of stuff for me that i dont even entirely realize. but thank you to those ppl. you guys are great. anyways, yes, today is our 5 month. thanks for choo-choo-choosing me sharon! :) haahha but really, thanks for sticking this out with me and being committed to it and stuff. you're grrrrreat! welps, thats all for now. stay clean kids!